Try As You Might, I Still Won't Watch

I've heard all the arguments against the NBA. I don't bother to take the time even trying to correct them at this point.

They don't care about the game. They are paid too much. They are all a bunch of thugs and criminals. Nobody plays any defense whatsoever. It is just a bunch of 1v1 on offense. Everyone is so lazy. Blah. Blah. BLAH.

I don't care at this point. If people do not want to watch the NBA, just don't watch it. Don't beat me over the head with weak, overused platitudes that you can't confidently back up and you just say it because you have heard others say it before. Just go for it.

But, please, for the love of God, do not try and convince me to watch college basketball. Spare me the "They try so hard! They want to win so much more! The crowd really gets into it!" argument because it will never make sense to me. Socrates could walk through my door right now and try to persuade me to drop those overpaid felons and he would fail. I am convinced that I could fight off the Imperius curse even if someone attempted to make me watch college basketball.

Oh, really? Do they try sooooo hard? So do middle school kids, but that doesn't make me want to watch them. No amount of effort can offset a general lack of skill or ability to control the game.

But, Pete, you're being unfair; how about how badly they want to win? Of course, they want to win because all they have at stake is a free education and an opportunity to play in the NBA. That's right, college fans, your precious little Energizer bunnies try as hard as they do to make it to the NBA. If you are trying to tell me that every college player wouldn't trade away a National Championship for the opportunity to play in the NBA, you clearly never played competitive sports. That's a no-brainer.

Well at least they entertain the crowd and it isn't as expensive! The crowd really has something to cheer about! You're right. When I watch sports on TV, I absolutely care about how into the game the crowd is. The play on the court doesn't concern me if I can watch a few thousand drunk frat boys wearing flat brim hats and long-sleeved rugby polos. Now THAT'S passion. You're right.

They play such hard defense in college? That must be why so many college players come in and incessantly score, right? Since the 1992-93 season, twenty years ago, only FOUR rookies have averaged more than 20 points per game coming into the league (Shaq, Tim Duncan, Blake Griffin and Elton Brand). Man, those college guys sure know how to come into the league and tear it up! Must be the fact that the NBA defenses are so lax compared to college!

I am not trying to convince anyone to watch the NBA with this. I am done wasting energy trying to demonstrate how demonstrably superior the NBA is to college basketball if you care at all about how the game is actually played. Don't watch the NBA.

But don't try to sell how good college basketball is to me. Because I am not buying what you're selling.