It's about 12:25 last night, and I just finished up watching an episode of South Park. A pretty good conclusion to the night as they so wisely taught me how to get rid of homeless people: send them to California. So I close my computer, curl up in the fetal position (yeah, that's how I fall asleep, get over it) and close my eyes. Then I hear it, that terrible rumbling that you immediately associate with douchebags: a car without a muffler. The car just flies up the hill next to our apartment, echoing excessively throughout our room. Here I am on the verge of a peaceful night of sleep, and this asswipe just ruins that. I can hear him driving around our neighborhood for TWO FULL MINUTES with the sound of his engine blasting through our apartment.
Okay, let's look at the pros of not having a proper muffler on your car: none. Alright, glad we settled that one.
The cons (I'm only going to name a few, because, well, I could go all day if you really wanted me to): people think you suck, you keep people up at night, you wake people up in the morning, you offer nothing beneficial to society.
Seriously, when was the last time someone drove past you and once you regained the ability to hear your own thoughts, you said, "Man, that guy is AWESOME. I wish that my car sounded like that." Nobody likes it. Nobody thinks you are cool. It doesn't help you get girls. It. Doesn't. Do. Anything. Okay? Do us all a favor and rev your unmuffled engine in your closed garage. Thanks.
At least these serve as an alarm clock, or something, since people should be up cooking breakfast.
Alright, now watch this and then tell me that soccer players are the biggest sissies on the face of the planet. First, Eto'o barely gets tapped on the head, he pauses for a second and then hits the ground. Good joke dude. I would love to punch you in the face as hard as I can and see what your reaction would be if this is how you actually respond to a tap on the head. They'd probably put you on a stretcher and rush you to the nearest hospital for a cut on the chin.
So what does Eto'o do in return? He throws what may be the worst headbutt I've ever seen. Take it from someone who has been headbutted many times (Zach Zupsic throws the hardest headbutts I know), that was a pathetic attempt. The only thing worse than his headbutt? Caesar's fall to the ground. Oh god, three of his hairs brushed my chest in a basically fake headbutt attempt! Now I need to violently drop and act like I've been shot!
Spare me, please. For those of you who read my work during my time at the MSP know that I wrote about this earlier. The worst part about this is how that style is carrying into the NBA as well. But I can't start into that right now. I don't have the time or energy to write a few hundred words dripping with sarcasm and furor for flopping in the NBA.
Jurassic 5 - Concrete Schoolyard -- This always makes me feel better and clearly I need to after this post.
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